Real talk: Life in England hit its low point this past month. Homesickness gripped me in its vice, and the [insert expletive here] kitchen is still not completed, which is affecting the entire rest of the house – and my peace of mind. “Feeling settled” is definitely not how I would describe my emotional state.

Let me back up for a bit. I have never been homesick in my life. I’ve been to stay-away summer camps, been abroad for a month at a time, and even went to university without a stitch of homesickness. I adjust fairly well to new situations, throwing myself head first into the culture and the adventure.

So when I started feeling “not myself,” I didn’t have the words to describe what I was experiencing.

Finding the Words

It wasn’t until I was going through some other expat bloggers’ posts that I realized I might be experiencing homesickness. What they were writing about is exactly what I was feeling. Finally! Someone who gets it.

That same week I discovered the blog posts, I went to dinner with another expat and she asked if I felt homesick. I definitely miss home, I said, but I don’t think I’m homesick. What does that even mean? If I missed home, wasn’t that the definition of homesick?

Enter Google. Because if you don’t know something, Google is your best friend. So I quite literally Googled “symptoms of homesickness,” and guess what I found. Exactly the words to describe what I was feeling.

Webster’s “longing for home and family while absent from them” wasn’t quite it (though I definitely miss both of those things), but Psychology Today’s definition hit the spot: “It’s missing familiar things…the familiar rhythms of the day. Homesickness is really about the transition: between two worlds—[you] are displaced—for the moment. [You] are anxious not just about leaving the familiar but facing the great unknown. Whenever we face uncertainty, it’s not happiness and logic that fill in the blanks. Anxiety, dread, fear have the evolutionary advantage; they race ahead.”

What I thought were symptoms of stress from the move – headaches, sleeplessness, mild weight gain, anxiety, lack of concentration – were actually really common symptoms of homesickness. Even just putting a name to what I was experiencing was helpful. But knowing that I wasn’t the only person who felt this way was liberating.

Funny enough, my best friend and I are going through almost the exact same thing. She’s relocated for a job to a new city, and once we started chatting, we discovered just how similar our experiences were – the frustrations with cultural inconveniences, the heartbreak of leaving friends and family, the loneliness of missing out on celebrations “back home.” Homesickness isn’t just for summer camp or college; it can happen to anyone at any age.

Learning to Heal

Even now, I know I’m not over my homesickness (does one ever “get over” homesickness? Probably not), but recognizing what I’m experiencing and having a plan to combat the negativity has been step one in making England my new “happy place.” If you’re experiencing homesickness or loneliness, hopefully these tips can help you, too.

• Exercise. The best thing for me is to make sure I’m working out. Some days I have enough energy for a HIIT class. Other days, all I can manage is a short walk with the dogs. But even that little bit of activity boosts the endorphins and calms the anxiety. #happypeopledontshoottheirhusbands
• Take care of yourself first. I cannot tell you how many demands I have on me right now, and that’s even with Martin picking up a ton of slack (pausing to acknowledge my rock star of a husband here). My priority is myself, my family, my job, and my NLP clients. Everything else will come in due time, and I’m okay with that.
• Find beauty in the everyday. One of the greatest benefits of blogging (or at least of Instagramming #sorryIdontblogoftenenough) is looking through the filter of beauty. I purposefully look for the wonderful things that are happening around me and to me so that I can share them with you all! And by doing so, I acknowledge and appreciate the beauty in the everyday, and I celebrate the little joys.
• Take it one step at a time. I try to tackle new things every day, knowing that if I don’t do, I won’t learn. Going to church, meeting a neighbor, trying a new pilates class in a new town – all of these were terrifying prospects at first. But once I did them, the following times were exponentially easier. Don’t wait for the day you want to tackle something hard; those days are few and far between. Do one small step every day, and eventually the new won’t be so scary.
• Be a realist. One of the hardest things for me is not to romanticize my previous life. Yes, I had it good (really good). But life in the states was nowhere near perfect, and many of the struggles I have now are the same ones I had in the states. It’s important to get rid of the “grass is always greener” mentality and appreciate what I have here.
• Write your own adventure. My favorite way to beat homesickness? By appreciating what England has to offer. Did you know London is an hour and 15 minutes from my house? And I can get to Paris in 4 hours, you know, just for a weekend trip? Clearly not something I could say when living in Carmel, Indiana. It’s hard to feel sad about leaving home when there is so much to value right in my back yard.
• Set a goal. In a wishy-washy world where I sometimes can’t see past the weekend, it has helped me to set some long-term goals to work toward. For example, I’m running a 10K this weekend; I’ve set up the guest room for when my mom comes to visit; I’ve learned a new piece on the piano. Accomplishing a goal makes me feel awesome about myself, even if the rest of the day (err…month?) didn’t go as planned.
• Be okay with feeling sad. Sometimes you just need a good cry. We’ve all been there. And feeling sad and missing home is perfectly normal. Don’t be afraid of feeling a negative emotion for a while.
• Believe in something bigger than yourself. For me, that’s God. I may have forgotten for a while until one night my husband reminded me, but God’s got this. He knew what he was doing when He presented this opportunity to us, and He’s crafted a plan much bigger than anything we could plan for ourselves. It’s important to trust, to pray, and to give thanks.
• Find someone who understands. Just talking to one other person about their experiences can help you feel like you’re not alone. Read all the blogs you can about homesickness and know that this feeling is completely normal. I’m so thankful that I have friends who just get it. Have you felt this way? Send me a message here or on social media and let’s chat!

“There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”

William Shakespeare