Maintaining a long distance friendship can be one of the hardest parts about moving away – whether that’s abroad or just an hour down the road! For this week’s blog post, I invited my best friend Audra to join in on the blogging fun and share how we’ve kept our friendship alive over the last fifteen years.

Nicole: Welcome Audra! Will you tell the readers a bit about yourself?

Audra: Oh I hate this question! It feels like a dating site question. Is that what’s really happening here – you’re setting me up a dating profile disguised as a friendship questionnaire? I’ll just say that I like long walks on the beach, the colour yellow, and my favorite date is April 25. And puppies, I like puppies and lattes. I think we just covered why I’m single. Actually, you should just write this part for me.

Nicole: I’m pretty sure that tells the readers about everything they need to know! Audra is the kindest human you’ll ever meet, incredibly smart (which gives her the quickest wit), and the best traveling companion. She grew up in Connecticut, went to school at Indiana University (where we met), moved to Disney World (okay, Orlando, but she worked at Disney World), and is now living in New York City. She was my maid of honor and texts me every time Kate Spade has a surprise sale. I still don’t know how she wrote her fake bio without mentioning that her favourite colour is sparkle!

Audra: How could I forget? I got my job by doing a presentation about the color sparkle. It was a risk, but apparently I fit both the culture and competency. Plus, I wouldn’t want to work for a place that subdued my love of sparkle.

Nicole: I mean, how could they not hire you after that? Do you remember how we met? I can’t remember exactly, which makes me feel like a terrible friend.

Audra: Well, it was at college, in our choir, The Singing Hoosiers. I don’t think I have an adorable anecdote about exactly HOW we first met, but the truth is it probably had something to do with wrong choreography and making up words to a sing during the concert.

Nicole: Oh definitely! Those first few performances with Singing Hoosiers were always tough on newbies! Our strong friendship was definitely formed in the three years we were at college together, where we spent practically every moment together that we weren’t studying or in class. But now twelve years of friendship has been spent long-distance!

Audra: I can hardly believe that. I think what makes our friendship really special is that no matter how much time we spend apart, it always feels like we’re coming back to the same place.

Nicole: I totally agree. We were in the same location for three years, and that time in the same location really cemented the foundations for a great friendship. What do you think some of those foundations are?

Audra: For starters, we have so much in common. We love doing the same things, like shopping, travel, and watching terrible Hallmark Christmas movies. We have the same twisted sense of humor which is how we can make jokes out of things like the Gwen Stefani Bananas song.

But more than that, I believe we have a deep level of respect and understanding for and of each other. It’s that understanding we have that allows us to be as honest with each other as we are, but also that helps us know how to support each other: whether it’s an ear, a shoulder, or a second opinion while shopping. Knowing each other for over 10 years definitely has something to do with it, and (at the risk of sounding like a super cheese-ball right now) we’re some of the lucky friend that have been able to grow up together, regardless of what we’re doing or where we are.

Nicole: I totally agree. There are very few people that I am able to call and ask for real opinions and know I’m going to get it. But it’s that level of respect for each other that lets us be honest with each other, but also to accept that honesty! Not going to lie, there’s some things you’ve said to me that have been hard pills to swallow, but because it was from you, I knew I needed to really sit with that info and do something about it.

So after college, you graduated and moved to Orlando…

Audra: Yep, I literally ran away from law school to go work at Disney World. Best decision I ever made.

Nicole: I agree! Free park tickets were an awesome perk.

Audra: Is that why you’ve been my friend for so long? Just for the tickets to Disney?

Nicole: I mean, it’s not the ONLY reason. *looks away sheepishly* So then you were in Orlando and I was in Indiana for ten years.

Audra: Yes, but you were able to visit really often.

Nicole: I was! I spent a lot of time in St. Petersburg, Florida because of a relative’s house there. I worked from my computer at the time and traveled, so I was able to fly down occasionally and we’d meet up and spend weekends together. It was harder when I was still in college and you were working. I didn’t have much money or time to fly down, so we went a good two years without seeing each other I think.

Audra: Yeah, that wasn’t much fun. A very dark point in the friendship of Nicole and Audra.

Nicole: Haha! It was! But once we were both working, I think we both really prioritised seeing each other and making that an active decision.

Audra: Absolutely. When you asked me to write a bit about what makes our friendship work, I think that was my first point – that we really make that effort.

Nicole: Then, at about the same time, you moved to New York City and I moved to England. Now that was a massive change.

Audra: It was. I think we both had to learn to adjust, but luckily you moved to a country that I love visiting.

Nicole: So you’re saying if I moved to a country you didn’t like, you wouldn’t visit?

Audra: Yep, definitely what I’m saying! This is when it got a little harder for us only because we’re not seeing each other every few months anymore.

Nicole: It’s like we had practice rounds when we lived only a few states away. Like, here try this long-distance thing out for a while before we put an ocean between you two.

Audra: It did kind of work out that way! But it changed how we communicate. We spend a lot more time on Facetime these days, just randomly calling each other while we’re shopping or chatting on the way home from work. Yes, the time difference is annoying, especially when you hate math as much as I do, but that has never stopped me from calling at whatever time I needed to, or answering a call or text at 5AM my time.

I was super spoiled when we both lived in the states, and I got to see you virtually every month. Which is amazing when your best friend can and will jump on a plane at a moment’s notice and be at your house in under 3 hours and under $200 total. Crossing an ocean is a little more expensive and it’s insanely annoying. Hey, British Airways, if you’re reading this – can we chat? This travel thing is getting a bit pricey for us.

Nicole: We could totally do with a BA partnership here at Holly Tree Cottage. I’ll get my people on that. Let’s go back to our Facetime dates. I think technology has totally helped us in an unexpected way.

Audra: We have perfected the art of “hanging out together while being thousands of miles away.” We’ve had some epic Facetime dates. They generally last an average of 3 hours and have consisted of watching full movies at the same time, watching the live stream of Miss Indiana until 3am your time, cooking dinner, decorating for the holidays, or my personal favorite, playing Snakes and Ladders. Let the record show I still believe Martin sabotaged my ability to win, but it’s fine, I’m clearly over it.

Nicole: Omg, how did I forget about Snakes and Ladders?! That was hilarious. You called while Martin and I were having board game night, so we just propped the phone up and rolled for you. It was literally like having you in the room.

I love our Facetime dates because they’re just times when we can hang out together, albeit through a tiny screen. But then we still get to bond over the stuff that we love. And we get to include each other in the mundane everyday stuff that we would if we were living in the same place.

Audra: Facetime is an awesome way to close the distance because you can feel that much closer just by seeing each other’s faces. And dogs – we talk to each other’s dogs probably as much as we talk to each other. It’s totally normal. We also make plans. We may not see each other every month, but we see each other at least once a year. It’s important, and we make sure it happens one way or another.

Nicole: YES. THIS. We make plans and actually go see each other. But I also love that now we travel with each other. Because our trips are now longer than just a weekend – often up to two weeks at a time – we both have to use vacation time for these visits. So we make a holiday out of it!

Part of the time is spent seeing the “normal” stuff, but when you come, we go to London or do day trips – stuff I just don’t make time for. We’ve got Scotland and Ireland on the list coming up, plus a trip to the coast. And when I visited you last, we did the touristy New York stuff and had new experiences together. I keep saying we need to do “summer in Maine,” so let’s make that a priority for the next time.

Audra: I think that makes it even more exciting. I mean, your face is exciting anyway, but going and checking things off the bucket list together is pretty cool too.

Nicole: I think the last time you came, we spent a good chunk of time just curled up on the couch watching movies and hanging out. But that’s such a foundation to our friendship; it’s fun to travel together, but it’s also fun just hanging out with my best friend doing nothing but laughing at our stupid sense of humor.

Audra: Yes, and the first time I visited you, I came for Thanksgiving. That was an adventure and half!

Nicole: Oh my gosh, it was. We spent the majority of the time trying to figure out the conversions from US measurements to UK measurements. Our Google history from that time must be hilarious – “How many grams in a tablespoon of butter.” I still don’t think we got most of it right.

Audra: No, we definitely didn’t! But we laughed a lot, fixed a turkey that didn’t kill anyone, and had one of the most memorable Thanksgivings of my life.

Nicole: Absolutely! Let’s wrap this discussion up by giving the people some takeaways. If we had to summarise our top tips for maintaining a long-distance friendship, what would they be?

Audra: Let’s do this part together. You know, like best friends.

Nicole: Done.

Audra and Nicole’s Top Tips for Maintaining a Long-Distance Friendship

• Have a foundation of respect and understanding.

Being an ocean away can really put pressure on any relationship. It’s important to respect one another, both as individuals, but also respecting their time, boundaries and needs. That’s when understanding will go a long way. Sometimes you’re just  too busy to speak every week, or other life priorities take over. Understanding the other person’s commitments and respecting their needs to put their job or family first for the time being will help. Basically, we’re talking empathy. Treat them with the grace you would want in return.

• Make an active decision to see each other.

We schedule our trips once a year (at least!), but do what works for you and your friend. One great part is that you get to look forward to seeing your friend, and then you get to reminisce on those memories until the next trip. It’s one thing to simply fantasise about visiting; make actual plans. Buy the plane ticket and go hug your best friend.

• Use technology to your advantage.

Communicating with anyone around the world for free has become so easy these days! You can text through WhatsApp or video chat through FaceTime and even Facebook chat. There are a million apps that can make you feel closer together. Even sending short videos, Snapchats, or gifs can help you connect in a closer way than just texts.

• Schedule regular hang outs.

We schedule FaceTime dates, just like we would have scheduled nail dates or movie dates if we were living in the same town. Sometimes it doesn’t have to be anything spectacular. Watch a movie “together” – watching the same movie at the same time but with your friend on FaceTime. Laugh at the same stuff. Eat the same snacks. Pretend like you’re not on different couches.

• But remember to call each other “just because.”

Missing your friend? Send her a text. Want to vent about your work day? Give her a call. Want a second opinion for that date outfit? Take a photo and ask her thoughts. Any time we think, “Oh I could totally use her right now,” we pick up the phone. Yeah, sometimes she’s busy (we are 5 hours apart), but at least she’ll know you were thinking of her, and you can catch up when the moment is free for both of you.

• Travel together.

Adventuring in a new place is fun for both of you and good for the soul. Friendship is derived from creating new memories together. Being in different continents, we can use both of our homes as jumping off points for some great adventures. Part of staying connected is the fun of imagining all the places we can go.

• Be okay with being sad.

Whether it’s you or your friend moving away, it’s okay to be sad and wish it weren’t happening. And there will definitely be times where you just miss each other – for example when it’s Hallmark Christmas movie season, which doesn’t air in England so we can’t bond over the newest terribly addictive love story. Learn to be sad, and appreciate the moments you do have together.

• Appreciate what makes you besties.

With so much of our friendship being spent apart, we’ve learned to appreciate what value the other brings to our lives. For both of us, we’re so grateful for the patience, understanding, laughter, and sisterhood that comes with being best friends. We may not get to see each other every day – or even every month – but the relationship can grow stronger even through distance by acknowledging what a powerful role your best friend plays in your life.

Comment below to tag your long-distance bestie in this post. We love hearing other stories of friendship thousands of miles apart! How do you maintain your long-distance friendship?

In sisterhood,

Audra and Nicole