Today marks the second anniversary of the day we landed in the UK to start our new adventure living abroad. It’s like my own personal New Year’s. You may recall I summarized Year One with “Seven Lessons Learned in a Year Abroad,” so I thought I’d do something similar to mark Year Two.

While this one isn’t titled by lessons – instead, I’m using events and occasions – there are hundreds of lessons that presented themselves this year. Let me tell you, I’m in agreement every other expat blog, living abroad changes your world – and your perspective – in the most unexpected ways.

Since you’ve heard very little from me on the blog in the past year, enjoy this year’s synopsis – 365 days worth of life, hoping to answer “what have you been up to.”

1. I stopped writing.

This one seems pretty obvious for anyone who was an active reader of HTC before I ghosted you (so sorry, please forgive me). I still remained active on social media (Instagram being my favourite, give me a follow), but stopped putting in the effort to update my blog.

Why? Well.

Frankly, it’s because I went into this blog hoping to be really transparent about what life was really like living overseas. I talked about the good (Pubs! The landscape! Afternoon tea!) and the bad (missing friends, culture shock, downsizing) pretty equally.

And doing that was really hard. See, I struggle with putting an image into the world that isn’t perfectly curated and all rainbows and unicorns (I know, shock and awe). And I wanted this blog to be an accurate reflection of what life looks like here – just minus the piles of laundry and all that mundane crap that we had to deal with in the states, too.

And when I chose to put the really tough bits out in the world, I had my words twisted and used as ammunition against me, manipulating me and challenging my decision to move abroad.

I’m a strong person, so I dealt with it as best I could, but I found that when I went to write a blog post, that voice inside my head whispered, “How will this be used against you? What will you have to defend? Can you defend it?” and I would spend hours, or even days, arguing with that voice in order to ensure I was prepared to defend every. Single. Word.

It was exhausting. Read any of my other blog posts, and you’ve read over and over that moving abroad has allowed me to start over and rebuild my life with only the activities that bring me true joy (just call me Marie Kondo). And blogging stopped bringing me joy, so I stopped blogging.

It’s taken me a year now to come to the mental place where I honestly can’t be bothered to even engage in conversation with those naysaying voices – whether they’re in my head or actual people – which is why I’ve chosen to start writing again.

So maybe point 1 should be “I stopped writing. I started writing.” But that seems a bit trite, don’t you think?

Either way, it’s been really empowering to not hold myself to an expectation (“I’ve started a blog, now I have to keep it up no matter the damage it’s doing to my mental health.”). It’s also really empowering to learn to stand up for myself and the decision to move here. Sadly, many of those arguments in my head came to fruition in real life, but I was able to draw some distinct boundaries around the interactions I had with people in order to establish permissible behaviours. (Word to the wise, setting boundaries is empowering AF. Do it.)

2. I performed in my first professional UK gig – AND two BBC Proms concerts.

You read that right – TWO. PROMS. This year was absolutely incredible for my passion for singing.

Early this year, I was invited to sing at a small event with an events agency as an audition of sorts in order to get on their roster of regular event singers, so imagine my nerves! Luckily it went well and I signed non-exclusively with them in May and went on to perform at further events with them.

It’s been such a breath of fresh air to perform as a soloist again, which I was desperately missing. What works beautifully about the partnership is that it works around my existing commitments like work and the CBSO Chorus so I can really commit to all the things I want to do.

Speaking of the CBSO, we performed at the Royal Albert Hall in the BBC Proms TWICE this year. And yes, it was everything you could imagine it would be.

The hall is unlike any other, and due to the Prommers standing on the floor, the concert feels strangely intimate for such a huge performance space. Watching the faces of those front row Prommers – the ones who had been standing for hours in all sorts of weather to ensure they had the best spot – during particularly moving parts of the concert was perhaps my favourite. I was able to see the expression of those who were in attendance for music’s sake only – and it was beautiful.

3. I started establishing my own traditions.

Despite it not being a national holiday in the UK, I’ve now made it a tradition to take off work for Thanksgiving and Black Friday. Year 1, my best friend Audra was over, so the process of taking off Thanksgiving was obvious.

But this past year, I thought about how special that day was – cooking all day and celebrating with friends and family – and particularly how strange it is to work on July 4^thwhile my American counterparts are busy setting things alight and perfecting their barbecuing techniques.

So I’ve decided that Thanksgiving is going to be my “American thing,” the two days a year I take off because it’s what my heart knows is important. I think taking away Thanksgiving and just treating it as any old work day would simply break my heart. So now it’s a tradition.

This year, I cooked for days, bought most of the ingredients including the turkey from our local farm shop, prepared everything from scratch including the apple pie made from the apples in our orchard. At the end of it all, I sat down with friends and family, exhausted and proud.

That feeling is what Thanksgiving is for me – lovingly providing for others, giving of yourself so that others can enjoy, and feeling immense gratitude for the people and blessings in your life. And that is worth celebrating, no matter the continent I reside.

4. I took professional risk – and it paid off.

After acclimating to the UK for what I determined was “long enough,” I decided to stick my neck out and join the young professionals division of our Chamber of Commerce. Let me tell you, this was terrifying. Networking gives me the cold sweats anyway, and I still felt like I had so much to learn about the culture.

But that’s exactly why I did it. Staying inside my bubble wasn’t giving me the professional connections I needed in order to further the business and my own career goals. And let me tell you – it has paid off immensely.

Not only have I expanded my professional network (both young professionals and the, ahem, more experienced) and made great connections all throughout the city, I was also recognized for my professional work by being shortlisted for the Future Face of Industry at the group’s annual awards dinner in August – not even 18 months into my UK career.

Through these connections, I became familiar with leadership training providers Common Purpose. After familiarizing myself with their programmes, I signed on to participate in their Meridian programme for senior leaders and diverse stakeholders.

I went in eyes-wide-open, absorbing everything I could from each of the participants, leaders, lessons, and even locations. Through immersive experiences and hearing about real-world issues fellow leaders were facing, I certainly learned more about leadership and its application in a variety of situations. And I also expanded my knowledge of the city and its culture, in addition to the people and the organisations that help make it great.

I took a leap of faith that this programme would work, and I think its greatest marker of success is that I’m continuing to think about the moments we had together as a cohort – phrases someone had said or situations we were put in – and I’m drawing on that to work through some of the more challenging leadership issues I face. More importantly, I’m thinking more broadly about leadership and influence.

5. I lost part of my family.

On April 21^st, my dad decided to remove me from his life with no communication and no visits from him (his words, not mine).

It was probably the most infuriating, most heartbreaking day of my life. I won’t get into all the details about the lead up, how he communicated this to me, or what I think are the reasons why he’s made this decision because at this point, it’s kind of irrelevant to this narrative.

But basically, I lost my dad. I didn’t see him when I went back for the wedding in October and we didn’t spend Christmas together.

It’s not that I’ve been trying to hide this fact from the world; I’ve been really open with people when it comes up in relevant conversation. But I suppose I’ve not written about it, either here or on social media, because I guess I don’t know how.

For a while, I dealt with general sadness (it is a loss after all) and feelings of anger (the “how dare he” thoughts), but I’ve luckily been spared from the pain of rejection because I know deep down his action isn’t as a result of something I’ve done.

Remember that mantra about letting go of all the things that don’t bring me joy? That includes fighting to make someone see my worth; it’s a losing battle that only takes away happiness, energy, and peace. You can’t control what another person thinks of you or whether or not they want you in their life. You can only control your own thoughts and behavior. So I decided to accept it, say my piece, and leave it at that. That was 10 months ago.

Yes, it hurts to not be able to spend time with my dad, who I still love. But I know I deserve better than what I’ve been subjected to. And drawing that line of acceptance has allowed me the freedom to actually enjoy the life my husband and I have created abroad.

6. I gave myself grace.

Perhaps this one feels overly simplistic, but I think it’s an accomplishment to recognize.

This year was tough. I focused a lot on my own mental health this year (as you can probably tell) and grew by leaps and bounds as a result of putting that focus into practice. I grew infinitely closer to my husband as we navigated these rocky waters together. And I learned a lot about myself, my own failings, and how to be okay with being human.

Above all, this year I gave myself grace. As a Type-A personality, my philosophy has often been, “If you can’t do it 100%, don’t do it at all.” And this year has shown me that sometimes it’s okay to do something at 50% – or even less – than not at all. I don’t have to spend every waking moment pursuing a goal; sometimes it’s most important to rest. Or read. Or cuddle with the dogs. Just because that’s what I want to be doing.

I’ve learned to listen to myself closely, to hear what my body, mind, and spirit need, and to make that happen. It’s made me more outspoken when I need to set emotional boundaries; it’s made me refocus on healthy eating; and it’s reignited my Sunday morning yoga practice.

Year Two has been a blessing because of what it’s taught me about myself. I’ve had the most unbelievable opportunities and the best moments of pure joy and quiet peace. I’ll be popping a bottle of champagne tonight to ring in my personal New Year. Cheers to Year 3!

Cheers,

Nicole